Transforming Premenstrual Tension: Finding the Gold in PMS

When women talk to me about their cycle, the two most common themes that come up are period pain and PMS.

Premenstrually, so many women experience physical discomforts like bloating, cramping and fatigue. And then there’s the mental and emotional stuff which can get really sticky at this time.

Maybe you sail through this time of your cycle. Or maybe it’s a tough one for you.

Whether or not you struggle with PMS, there are golden leaves in what in the Red School we call ‘Autumn’.

But you need to dig deeper.

Because there’s a provocative element that emerges at this time that has the potential to transform our lives.

It’s called the Inner Critic.

She’s the one who suddenly shows up during our premenstrual week, stronger than at any other time. Poking and prodding at everything that suddenly feels ‘wrong’ in our lives, in others around us, and in ourselves. Ouch.

Our tendency is often to turn away, avoid, and drown out her voice with comfort eating, shopping, busy-work or scrolling through Facebook. And no wonder. It can be painful to face this part of ourselves. Particularly if we have trauma in our history, which can amplify this voice (and we may need professional support if that’s the case).

But if we are able to learn to work with our Inner Critic consciously, we can water our lives throughout the cycle to come. Because this is the time for some Deep Listening, a quality we all need in order to prune what’s no longer needed and to make way for the new and more aligned to come in. Yes!

The next time you hit this patch, pay close attention. Start by logging the first day of your bleed so you know when you are getting close to it again (Day 1 is when your blood actually starts flowing. Some women have a day or two (or more) of spotting — sporadic tiny amounts of blood — before this, but Day 1 of your cycle is when you’re in full flow).

I invite you to journal or do a voice recording on what comes up for you in relation to these questions, derived from my teacher Alexandra Pope’s wonderful book ‘The Women’s Quest’. Or talk them through with a trusted friend.

What challenging issues do you become aware of during your premenstrum? I’m talking about the type of stuff that two days ago felt absolutely fine but now is absolutely driving you crazy.

What do you find yourself feeling critical of in yourself and others?

What do you give yourself a hard time about?

And going a bit deeper …

What are you being asked to face in yourself? What is your Inner Critic asking of you?

Here’s a snapshot of what I uncovered when I first started working with this juicy time of my cycle (I never thought I’d call it juicy — it used to be a week of literal hell. But then … enter Menstrual Cycle Awareness.

— Over sensitivity — I can’t handle criticism or being ignored or dismissed
— Everything seems too much
— I feel critical of everyone else around me
— I feel despair about where I have got to in life
— I question whether I’m in the right relationship

Any of this sound familiar to you?

I’m critical of myself for:

• speaking too much
• saying the wrong thing
• being “Negative”
• not being kind or generous enough
• being sharp, abrupt or harsh
• not being a “success”
• my mothering (everything about it!)

I’m critical of others for…

• speaking too much, over-expressing.

See the similarities?

My inner critic is asking me to:

…be fiercely protective of my space and not let people in who don’t deserve to be there, who haven’t earned my trust
…to not tolerate bullshit in myself
…be more aware and mindful, moment to moment, of what is going on around me as well as in me, and to breathe mindfully
…ask the tough questions about what I stand for in life.

Why ask these questions?

Because it changes things. Bringing awareness to the issues that come up for you in Autumn (and any time, of course) is the first step to powerful transformation. I went from dreading every premenstrual week and suffering through it with zero enjoyment to savouring the softness, depth and self-connection this time unfolds in me. I went from arguing with those around me and fighting myself to learning how to express my needs and feelings clearly. I disovered when to withdraw and resource myself.

Everything in my life showed up differently from there …

What do you discover?

If this subject intrigues you, I invite you to check out Rewild the Womb Journey, a self-study, self-paced course where you can explore the powers of your cycle and open up to more ease, flow, joy and self-compassion. I also work one to one to support women with this journey of empowerment, and you can book your free Discovery call here.

Enjoy your cyclical journey!